Today was tough... by far the toughest run I have had in a very, very long time. Since my last post, I have decided to dedicate my upcoming running season to training for the Columbus Marathon on October 17. But at this point, I am unsure I will make it!
A long, long time ago (2008) I was a marathon runner! I ran the Sunburst Marathon in June of 2008 in South Bend, IN, my hometown. I ran in under 4 hours (3:52.53), my only real goal, and I got to finish on the 50 yard line of Notre Dame Stadium. It was an amazing experience and helped reiterate that I can truly do whatever I put my mind to. I trained very hard and did the runner no-no and even ran a few training runs well over 20 miles. It helped me see that I could finish 26 miles, even though I was not supposed to run those! :)
As I was training for the marathon, I set a few goals for myself... a before 30 list. Run South Bend, run Columbus and run New York. Oh! And have a baby! :) The baby part certainly set me back! As I was approaching a date that Ray and I had set for ourselves to start attempting to have a family, I realized I better get another marathon in before! I amended my list to 3 before 30 anywhere. I have a sister in Phoenix and thought I would run the Rock and Roll Marathon. A great way to get in great shape before the big weight gain. Well, I pushed it on a very bad treadmill and killed my knee. No January marathon and the nagging thought of never running one again!
So pregnancy came and no running during because I had the layoff before and could not start a "new" exercise, plus some early complications, the baby weight piled on and the spring/ fall running season was here and gone. Samantha arrived, life got busy, but I was sneaking in the occasional runs after that 6 week c-section mark. I started training for a half but my heart wasn't in it. I was running with a friend and I was doing it for her, but the day I got the call that she was injured I secretly did a woohoo! dance. (Sorry Stephanie!) I had not put the work in and was afraid of the result! So a very slow 5k came and went... and then the marathon bug hit again!
Well today was my first long run, a 10 miler, and boy oh boy did it hurt! My stomach bothered me, stupid Chipotle!, my knees hurt, my body was tired and in crept the doubt. As I hit the 7.5 mile mark and I needed to walk, I started to doubt if marathon running would ever happen for me again! I walked/ ran my way through those last few miles and was silently crying inside. I am a goal oriented person. I need goals to make it through the day, week, year! If I cannot meet this goal, what else is going to come crashing down?!?!
When I got pregnant, everyone told me life was going to change. And it has!! But Samantha is an easy going kid who goes everywhere and just seemed to slip right in to our lives. But now I see where the true change is... my running time. It is almost non-existent. Hard to get up early, hard to teach all day and then run when she is asleep, hard to get a run in and then apparently even harder to run!
As I read this back to myself, I realize I sound pathetic and nothing like the upbeat post of last!! But today was a hard, hard running day... But I am going to look towards tomorrow (Oh yes! a rest day!) and make the realization that my running might not ever be the same. I am hoping to get all of my runs in, but I might not make the time that I want.
If I don't, that's okay... right???