Thursday, October 14, 2010

why i am not the hip mama and why i am okay with that!

All of my life I have felt like I have been on the outside looking in. I have tried to fit in with clothes, haircuts, purchases, but my own laziness or lack of caring in the long run has always won out. And in trying to be the "cool" and "hip" mama it has again won out.

Maybe I am not saying that right...

When Samantha was born, I was already down 1 strike to many because we opted to have a c-section. She was not flipping over and the main thing to me was having her in the most safe way possible for her and I. Am I wrong because I chose a c-section? Too many, I guess I am. To me, Samantha is here, beautiful and healthy. And I am proud of that. (And slightly happy that I never experienced labor!) STRIKE ONE.

Breastfeeding is best. I know this, but a baby that is eating and growing is really what is best. I learned this after stressing out over switching to a bottle, not even formula! Sam was happy, I was happy with giving Ray some nighttime feedings and it worked great for us. Do others agree? No. And thats ok. There is such a huge movement right now to breastfeed, co-sleep,etc. For all you mamas that did/ do it, more power to you. But can you please remember that it is okay if we don't all do it? We are not awful mamas if we don't. STRIKE TWO.

And then there was the formula debate... my job is physical and no matter how much water I drank or how often I pumped, I still ran out of milk! So we started Samantha on formula. AHHH!!! BAD MAMA! :) But last I checked, Samantha was a happy, growing child. STRIKE THREE.

The more "mamaing" I did, the more ways I saw that I was just not "hip."

I did the make your own food thing, but I also buy Samantha's food from the grocery store already prepared! STRIKE FOUR.

Samantha and I did swim class, but we didn't do mama and baby yoga! STRIKE FIVE.

And the list goes on and on.

Do I love the knowledge that our generation of parents now have available at our fingertips?? YES! But sometimes I see it as just another way for people to criticize, critique and judge eachother. Being a parent is extremely hard and I feel that we should be constantly lifting each other up. I have criticized and critiqued and I now see that isn't helping that mama get through this time. So maybe I should keep my mouth shut.

No one is ever going to raise their children exactly like you raise yours. But the way that they are doing it probably works out fantastic for their family.

I feel like this is a battle that I will be fighting all of Samantha's life. That's okay. I know I am not the "hip" mama, but my happy giggling child who is growing and hitting all of her milestones doesn't care. And that is why I am okay with that.


  1. Being "hip" is too much work for those of that that AREN'T mama's - you're doing a great job with her! She'll grow up knowing that *you are who you are, and its okay to be who you are - "hip" or not!*

  2. From day one, I have felt this way, and tried to be as understanding as I could about other moms' choices. But you can't help but feel like a failure when you pump next to someone and they get 9 oz. per breast in 10 minutes while you struggle to put out 3 oz. each. I spent so many months hanging on to breastfeeding because I felt like a failure if I couldn't do it for a year. But I don't have a colon, I have a medical reason for being chronically dehydrated and I pushed harder than 99% of other moms...for what? To reach a goal that was just physically impossible for me. When I finally 'gave in' and realized that there was no competition, that Norah would be happy and healthy on formula and that I didn't fail...well then I realized how much external pressure there was, and from then on out I have just said 'screw it'. We tried the cloth diapering, and 'failed', but boy is it easier to not have to do laundry when I get home from school plus work plus clinicals. I didn't do baby yoga because its crap. I LIKE daycare and its not a bad thing that my kid has a world that is much bigger than just me and our house and our family. Pressures of motherhood never end, but its the perspective that makes it all melt away. I am constantly learning, and I hope I don't make any other mother feel like I did.

  3. Eileen, I completely agree! That is what I wish for all new mamas or soon to be mamas: "do what is right for you and don't let anyone tell you any different!"

    Being a mama is hard enough and I hope that no one ever makes Samantha feel the way I did...